Romantic love and its myths

Romantic love.

It is a sociocultural construction that we learn and integrate during socialization and depends on the cultural context in which we develop. Culture offers us a model of loving behavior that stipulates what romantic love means, through norms, traditions and customs. We learn the parameters of romantic love through the references of family and our environment, movies, advertising, songs, literature, etc.

Myths of romantic love.

• Love can do everything. Love CANNOT do everything. Lack of respect. Abuses. Humiliations. Emotional invalidation. Contempt. Handling. Blackmail. They are different forms of violence and love cannot overcome violence. We must demystify the idea that love can do everything, to take responsibility for our actions and make conscious decisions.
• Everyone has their better half. There is no person out there who fits perfectly with our way of being, the truth is that relationships are built and consolidated with time, trust, intimacy and… guess what… with a lot of communication.
• Love is giving yourself 100%. It is a belief that encourages expectations and the demand that they be met. Each person has to be able to have their own space and their own decisions, in addition to the space and time shared in the relationship.
• Love is for life. Love is a feeling that transforms throughout its existence, but it can also give way to other feelings or simply end.
• There is only one true love in life. The truth is that there are loving bonds that mark us deeply, but we can feel love for many people throughout our lives and this belief is very limiting.
• Jealousy is a test of love. Jealousy is an emotion that can arise spontaneously or based on a specific situation. The truth is that a person can feel anger, sadness, fear and it is nothing more than a manifestation of insecurity. So what do we do when we feel jealous? At this point we know that control and possession are domination behaviors that we do not want in egalitarian relationships… so the best thing is to communicate our insecurities to our partner and jointly seek a solution to the situation. Sometimes, expressing how we feel and feeling listened to is very restorative.
• It is inevitable to suffer for love. Loving bonds must be spaces of security, communication, empathy, support, learning… If they are not like that, then it is not love.
• You can only be truly happy when you are in a relationship. Without a doubt we can be happy in many ways, also as a couple, but it is not the only way. Social expectations tell us that there is an established script in which the relationship is a fundamental element. Furthermore, there are many ways of bonding that do not correspond to these social expectations (monogamous, heterosexual relationships, relationships with children, cohabitants, etc.). Choosing to be in a relationship is another option and should be a free and desired decision.