Violence in relationships

Violence in relationships

As we have just seen, beliefs about romantic love can greatly influence the way we relate and lead to violent behavior, if we do not learn to distinguish them. Anyone can commit violence at any given moment, so it is very important to reflect on this and think about what we want our relationships to be like so that we feel good in them.

The cycle of violence in a relationship

1️. Accumulation of tension

In this phase, the aggressor begins to exert violence subtly. He exercises control over his partner, devalues her, gets angry, ridicules her, and even «punishes» her through silence or humiliation. The person who suffers this violence can normalize or justify these attacks. She begins to feel guilt, shame, discomfort and begins to doubt both herself and what she is experiencing.

2️. Explosion of violence

Violence can be physical, psychological, sexual, economic, vicarious, etc. Control behaviours are common in which the aggressor prohibits the other person from interacting with their friends or family, threatens, coerces or threatens to self-harm/suicide or do more harm (to them or their loved ones, mainly their children) if you count it.

3️. Honeymoon

The aggressor repents, cries, asks for forgiveness, promises that he will ask for help, that the situation will not be repeated and assures that he will change. In addition, he becomes super affectionate and attentive, has details (cooking, cleaning, giving gifts…) and even apparently «normal» sexual relations, without exercising any control.

After this last phase, the cycle begins again, tension accumulating again until violence breaks out again and each time the consequences are more devastating for the person who suffers them.